it’s hard to tell yourself this, but you do, you absolutely do.
all you ever did was wreck me.
nothing more, nothing less.
Big 19!!!!!!!! Thank you for the birthday wishes, I love you all ❤️
My mother and I were shoe shopping in a rather deserted section of a now-forgotten mall. We were near the tip of Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia… where some thrived but most didn’t. Scarcity was present but finding a pair of cheap, functioning shoes was rarely a problem— even when it came to size 4 slash 35, tiny ol’ me.
We left the mall shortly, empty-handed. ‘No luck,’ I thought unsurprisingly. Guess I’ll just stick to the slightly loose pair of shoes I have on right now….
My right foot could very well be a little larger than my left… width-wise, I mean. What I was describing when I said loose was only an accurate statement for that of my left… I realized I was a major-righty. I hated being wrong, I was just like my father.
My father, whom I hadn’t spoken to in months. Although I’d sharpened my english from being abroad in New York, switching back to Chinese at home never posed a problem. I was fluent in Mandarin, Cantonese, Malay, but not talking to my father. We couldn’t understand each other… all that was left was dying, dead memories, literally
fading. in. dusty. photobooks.
No one had touched them ever since the big fight in the ‘06.
but whatever, never felt like he had been there. never complained. If there was one thing my mother had repeatedly told me, it was to not be surprised when my father leaves us. So in my world, he lived at the airport… with his packed bags and was ready to go. anytime now, father.
I don’t even know what happened. perhaps time was our greatest enemy; perhaps I grew up; perhaps after assuming all the responsibilities he left behind so long ago, the only thing remained was the idea of him. I don’t remember, and I don’t want to.
but yes, shoes. now untied, I quickly tried to make out a bow from what I could — time was running out, I didn’t want to be that annoying pedestrian. The city had prepped me well. I was quick, cold, and black; A lot like the pair of shoes I was wearing. A lot like him.
Run, I hate having big shoes to fill.
how is it that you appear so frequently in this brain of mine?
i refuse to ever let you occupy more than half my mind.
Brave (Ukulele Cover) by Nicole/uuuuuuuukewithme
Thank you for loving me for me and always believing in me when I didn’t even believe in myself. You are all very, very inspiring.